in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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