Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
