I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
