i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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