And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wish there were birth control emojis
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
