What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
