If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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