Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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