Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
