Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
