how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
