Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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