We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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