It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
