omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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