i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
