Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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