Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
