i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
