Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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