Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my shit smells like andre
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
