i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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