So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
