i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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