I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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