very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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