therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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