Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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