woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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