There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
