I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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