There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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