actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
soo... how was my night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
