Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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