Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
