therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
