Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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