Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
