I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
