Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
