I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
