i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
