You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
