Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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