Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
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I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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