Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
