I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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