Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
