get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
