So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize