we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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