Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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