he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
