I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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