Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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