is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
