So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
