woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
