Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
pray to the hookup gods
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
