Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
