watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
