Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
