Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
