I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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