STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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