The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
