is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
