I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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