Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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