it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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