I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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