Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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