listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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