"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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