omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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