i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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