Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
