She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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