Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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