Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
