If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
