I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
