dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
