i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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